Journal Entry 4/1/23

I think too much.

• Why?

  • Overactive brain

  • Worry and rumination

  • Trauma response

• What do I do about this?

  • Mindfulness and meditation

  • Pay more attention to what I’m thinking about and move on if need be

  • Tell myself things like “It is what it is” and “This too shall pass”.

Being real doesn’t need to mean being harsh or insensitive. It just means being genuine and not putting on airs.

Fuck you George. You just made my list again.

Wendy

Fred

Franklin

Wilma

I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t be spending all this energy resenting and hating people. It’s exhausting and it feels horrible. I don’t need to love them, but I don’t need to hate them. I can dislike or be disappointed with people without wanting to murder them. Settle Down, Bugs. Gooz Fraba. It is what it is. Move on. You’re doing a good job. Keep up the good work.

It just irks me, though. George and Wendy sit silent in their offices and I’m supposed to be making calls constantly. Fucking bullshit. I don’t know, I can’t always change the way I feel about something, but I can change the way I think about it. What am I thinking right now?

I don’t fucking want to be here.

I’m feeling a little better

I’m tired.

I’m sick of life.

I’m afraid to take Bugs Jr. back.

I hate not having money.

I hate George right now.

I feel betrayed.

I feel disappointed.

I hate Wilma.

I’m so sick of being at my wits end.